Twenty One Years Later, A Personal Journey

Each time a semester has ended since I went back to school, I have posted up the assignments

I have done. This Fall semester ended for me on December 3, but I have been 

putting off posting my work. I choose to wade through some

pretty emotional stuff this semester, and I feel very vulnerable 

putting it out for all to look at.

My brother Allan died in 1991; this last March marked 21 years since his death. That really got

me thinking about how much has changed since then. Where my brothers and I are in this life and

how my parents have changed over the years.

I have four daughters who have never met him, and yet they know

they have an Uncle Allan that died. But he is just this mythical person out there in heaven somewhere.

I started thinking about the things he left behind. The things that my family has saved. Things he made,

letters he wrote, clothes he wore. Especially the clothes he was wearing the night he died. This is where

inspiration hit. I called my mom, and email my brother Chris. I asked 

if I could borrow Allan's things that they had for a photo project I wanted to do.

Assuring them that they would get everything back, and hoping beyond hope that Chris's stuff wasn't

packed deep in a storage unit, they agreed to let me borrow whatever I wanted. 

Getting the stuff ... that was the easy part, next I had to figure out what exactly to do with it all.

Thankfully when your a Senior Level Photo Major, the teachers pretty much

let you do what you want. After a few discussions with my Studio teacher, Leighton,

I set off on my first project. I shot this on 4x5  b&w film on a 4x5 view camera. I set up a large scale still life with Allan's belongings. Then I aimed a spot light at different areas 

thereby breaking up the large still life into 5 smaller ones. The effect was a very "crime scene" type of look. It came out looking exactly how I was feeling at the time, a bit standoffish.

You see I knew I wanted to do this,  but I was uncomfortable with dredging up all the emotions that

came along with it.

Studio Assignment #1

Next came my assignment for my Advanced Silver class. I began feeling a bit more comfortable with what I was doing. I wanted it to have

a more dreamlike appeal, so I used my Holga camera, with 120mm b&w film.

Everything came out very soft, but I think it is very powerful in its softness. The 

words I wrote to go with each image are reflecting on time and change, and even longing.

You will always be young in our ever aging minds

Time steals you from our memories

21 years later and this is what remains of you.

How long till you are forever forgotten.

Studio Assignment #2

This project I shot on my digital camera. This first image I did not actually turn in, I used the second helmet shot, because I felt it fit in better with the other closely cropped shots, but I still think this first image is quite strong on it's own.

I wanted to get in closer the objects. I wanted to show their wear and tear from use

by their owner. I should also mention that all four of these items Allan was

wearing at the time of his death. They have a great significance to me, my brothers, and parents. However I soon discovered that they 

do not hold the same meaning for my children. Which leads me into my final project.

Studio Assignment #3

As with the first assignment I shot this on 4x5 b&w film on a 4x5 view camera. My parents came to visit for Thanksgiving and were such good sports to let me take them 

up to the school's studio one night and be in my photos. At this point I had been working with 

Allan's stuff for three months and was very comfortable with what I was doing. 

I wanted to show how the next generation is removed from what these objects mean to Allan's immediate family. I gave each of my daughters (minus the baby) an item to interact with.

I gave them no direction other than that they had to stay in one spot so as to not

go out of focus. Each child's personality really came out in the photos. I love them, not just because

they are photos of my kids, but because they are beautifully shot

For my parents, I gave them each an item. I told my dad to look through the wallet, and I would take the shot when I saw what I wanted to see on his face. No Pressure right! 

The same for Mom. I gave her a letter that Allan had written her, and had her read it over and over

till I saw what I was looking for. 

There they are, parents who lost a son 21 years ago, reflecting on who he was, and what they lost.

 

Thus ends my personal journey. I can honestly say that this was

difficult for me, but well worth my efforts. I felt Allan close by me when I was working on each 

assignment. It was funny. Each time I tried to force the work I had difficulties, but when I would

pray for help and inspiration, and let loose my grip on the controls, that was when

everything would come together. I felt very led by the Spirit during this process, 

and along the way, I dealt with some old feelings that I had pushed aside years ago.